Parenting isn’t an easy job, and many, whether new or experienced at motherhood, many moms often wonder if they are getting it right. This is where the 12 reasons for mom guilt comes into play.
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What is mom guilt you might ask? It’s that little voice inside a mom’s head that keeps saying that we are not good enough and that we will never be good enough. It’s probably safe to say that pretty much all moms carry this guilt and it doesn’t go away no matter how old our children get. So, what can we do about it? It seems like a heavy burden to bear for eternity.
Raising kids isn’t about being perfect.
—there’s no such thing! What we can do is bravely accept our imperfections and conquer our fears to be able to overcome this guilt. There are challenges as well as joys when it comes to motherhood, we just need to be confident and trust the love that we have for our children. The thing is, guilt is not all bad, it can also help us. We can use this guilt as a precaution to make sure that we are giving our best to our loved ones.
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Let’s talk about some of the most common parenting things moms often feel guilty about and why you can give yourself a break about them.
1. Formula feeding vs. breastfeeding.
Let’s face it, there are a host of valid reasons moms don’t breastfeed. Causes can range from lack of milk or problems with latching to needing to go back to work to just the fact that you are giving the best that you can provide. So, don’t be depressed for choosing to feed your baby formula milk, you need to do what’s best for you and your child, and breastfeeding might not be it.
2. The fight with disposable diapers.
Of course, we want to help protect our environment, but who can blame you for choosing disposable diapers over washable ones? It’s a lot more convenient and easy to use, and moms have a lot on their plate as it is without adding more to the laundry list. Although I do have to say, I personally used cloth diapers. It was not a fight or competition. For me, it was saving money while being good to the environment. While my kids reaped the benefits of less or no diaper rash and much more.
3. Fast food tag-of-war.
Not even a supermom can whip up healthy dishes 24/7. It’s normal that we get tired and lazy sometimes and don’t have the time to cook, and that is when the drive-thrus and delivery crews are our saviors. Rest assured you’re not the only one doing this. Just remember that moderation is the key.
4. Leaving your child with a caregiver.
Leaving your child in someone else’s care is a tough choice, but not all mothers have the luxury of taking care of their own children all the time. Moms are busy, and whether it is work or some other duty, may it be just for a few hours or for a long time, you have your reasons which should be respected.
5. Losing patience and raising your voice.
Yelling at your kids doesn’t help anything, but all mothers lose patience. If you do temporarily lose your composure and raise your voice a little, wait for things to calm down. Then apologize and calmly explain the situation to your child. A calm, reasonable explanation can even help them be more understanding in the future.
6. Watching TV.
There have been a lot of studies and debate regarding kids and tv watching. Research suggests that children 2 years and below should not be watching TV. But TV is hard to resist, and it’s okay to let them watch TV if it’s with moderation and you’re cautious about what they are watching. TV can even be a beneficial learning tool, teaching things like learning colors and shapes, numbers, and the alphabet.
So, get rid of that guilt and enjoy TV with your kids. Better yet, watch educational programs with your kids such as sesame street, wild kratts, etc.
Check out this post for a list of apps if your kids like Pokemon.
7. Not being able to afford the extras.
So, you can’t afford everything, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Your love for your children cannot be measured by the price of their clothes or toys.” In fact, too much stuff can be a problem. “If you’re continually overindulging your children, they’ll never learn the value of money,” explains psychotherapist Kate Levinson. Not having it all can teach your kids appreciation and other valuable life lessons.
8. Wanting some alone time.
Having time for yourself is a luxury for us moms. Sometimes even using the bathroom in peace is hard (we laugh but who can’t relate to that?). The last thing we need to be guilty about is craving a moment of peace and quiet. You may be a supermom, but you’re only human. Those few moments of rest can be useful for everyone involved. It gives you time to relieve yourself from stress rather than pouring it out on your child.
9. Asking for help.
Asking your partner for help in taking care of your child every now and then is nothing to be ashamed off. It’s his child, too. Parenting is teamwork, plus it can be a fun bonding time.
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10. Not signing up to be a class parent.
There’s no shame in not wanting to be the top mom. You can’t do it all so just take responsibility for tasks you can handle and save the rest of your time and energy for your kids.
11. The unforgiving comparison to other moms.
This is a terrible, vicious trap! No mother is perfect so stop comparing yourself to other parents. Just because it might look like they’re better at this parenting thing doesn’t mean they’re the better parent. Just be the best parent you can be.
12. The perfect mother award.
You know this award doesn’t actually exist, right? Neither are you are not running to be the president of all mothers. So, relieve yourself of the pressure to be perfect and please everyone (it won’t happen). You just need to be confident in yourself and give your love to your family.
Your parents may have experience from raising you, but they are not you. Therefore, no two circumstances are exactly alike. Don’t be too hard on yourself trying to please them, they are they and you are you.